Why "Are We Dating The Same Guy" Is Failing: 3 Ways You’re Doing It Wrong

Your "Are We Dating The Same Guy" group isn't a safety net. It’s a liability.

The movement started as a revolution for women’s safety. It’s ending as a digital burn book. I’ve spent months tracking the data, the lawsuits, and the drama inside these 40,000-member subcultures.

The system is broken.

If you think you’re "vetting" your next date, you’re wrong. You’re likely just participating in the slow-motion car crash of modern dating.

I’ve watched women lose their jobs. I’ve watched men file six-figure defamation suits. I’ve watched the "signal" of actual danger get drowned out by the "noise" of petty grievances.

Here is why AWDTSG is failing—and why you’re doing it wrong.

1. You are confusing "Safety" with "Gossip"

The original mission was simple. Protect women from predators, abusers, and serial cheaters. That is a noble goal. It is necessary.

But look at the feed today.

"He didn't text me back for three days. Thoughts?" "He looked different than his photos. Red flag?" "He split the bill on the first date. Avoid!"

This is not safety. This is a Yelp review for human beings.

When you treat a man’s personality flaws like a criminal record, you destroy the utility of the group. If every man is a "red flag," then no man is a red flag.

You are crying wolf.

I’ve seen posts where actual warnings about domestic violence are buried under 500 comments about a guy who was "too quiet" during appetizers.

When the signal-to-noise ratio hits zero, the platform dies. You aren't protecting the next girl. You’re just bored. You’re scrolling for a hit of dopamine, not a shield from harm.

2. You are ignoring the Legal Paper Trail

The internet is not a vault.

I’ve talked to the lawyers. They are salivating.

Every time you post a screenshot, a name, or a photo, you are creating a permanent record. You think "private" groups are private? They aren't.

Admins sell access. Ex-friends take screenshots. Men are hiring private investigators to infiltrate these groups and build defamation cases.

I watched a $100,000 lawsuit unfold because a woman claimed a man had a "weird vibe." That "vibe" cost him a job offer. In court, "vibes" don't hold up.

If you cannot prove it in front of a judge, don't post it on a Facebook wall.

By posting hearsay, you are making yourself a target. You are handing the men you dislike a winning lottery ticket in the form of a libel suit.

The smartest people I know are leaving these groups. Not because they don't care about safety. Because they understand how subpoenas work.

The groups have become a legal ticking time bomb. When it goes off, "protecting my sisters" won't pay your legal fees.

3. You are Nuking the Trust Economy

Dating requires a baseline of vulnerability.

The AWDTSG meta-game has turned dating into a cold war.

We have entered a feedback loop of total paranoia.

When you post a guy before the first date, you aren't getting a head start. You’re entering a relationship with a pre-written script. You aren't meeting a human. You’re meeting a collection of opinions from strangers who might have their own agendas.

I’ve seen women ghost incredible partners because a stranger—who dated the guy for two weeks in 2019—said he was "a bit intense."

You are outsourcing your intuition to a digital mob.

Intuition is a muscle. If you don't use it, you lose it. By relying on the crowd, you’ve forgotten how to read a room. You’ve forgotten how to ask hard questions. You’ve forgotten how to trust your own eyes.

The Insight: The "Shadow Profile" Trap

Here is the hard truth nobody wants to hear: AWDTSG is creating exactly what it tried to prevent.

By crowdsourcing "red flags," we are incentivizing men to become more deceptive. The true predators? They know how to bypass your "vetting." They use fake names. They use burner phones. They curate a persona that is "AWDTSG-proof."

Meanwhile, the "normal" guy—the one who is sometimes awkward, sometimes forgets to text, or sometimes has a bad breakup—gets dragged through the mud.

My prediction: In 12 months, these groups will be ghost towns or legal ruins.

The "Safety Revolution" has turned into a "Surveillance State." And in a surveillance state, nobody actually finds love. They just find more reasons to stay single and angry.

Stop looking for "tea." Start looking for character.

You can’t build a future on a foundation of screenshots.

Are you vetting for safety, or are you just addicted to the drama?